With summer approaching and millions of Americans planning for family reunions, a new book by Elon University sociology professor Larry Basirico explains the dynamics of reunions and how brothers and sisters can avoid fighting like cats and dogs.
“The Family Reunion Survival Guide: How to avoid problems with your family without avoiding your family” recommends ways to avoid conflict and make everyone feel accepted at the next family reunion. Creating activities that give everyone the opportunity to share important events in their lives, identifying and discussing family and cultural differences and establishing rules for the reunion before the gathering begins are all ways to promote harmony, Basirico says.
Basirico says it’s important for family members to realize that everyone may be nervous about the reunion for a variety of reasons. “There may be a particular uncle who always asks personal questions, a couple who can’t seem to get through a meal without an embarrassing argument, or a cousin with a genius for pointless anecdotes.” He says some people may fear that they won’t measure up, with events such as weight gain, divorce or the loss of a job viewed negatively by relatives.
Tension also can develop when relatives view each other in their previous roles as a child or sibling, as opposed to their new roles as a husband, wife or parent. Basirico points out that his role as a parent to his own children can detract from his role as a sibling. “I may need to prepare my own children for bed, fix their meals, and do all of the things I do in my role as a parent. At the same time, my brothers and sisters are sitting on the porch telling jokes, singing songs and reconnecting with our family of childhood.”
Basirico has conducted extensive research into the phenomenon of family reunions, and is considered one of the leading experts on the subject. He has been quoted in The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, The Boston Globe, Reader’s Digest and numerous other newspapers and magazines. Basirico has been attending his own family reunions for more than 20 years.
“The Family Reunion Survival Guide” is published by Identity Publishing and is available for $11.95. Books can be purchased at Identity’s Web site at www.identitypublishing.com.
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